Relationships and Finance: How Polar Opposites Can Ride Out Joint Finances

I’ve never been one of those people who could throw their hands up when riding a roller coaster. I suppose I know that holding the safety bar is just a false sense of security, but I do it all the same. My husband, on the other hand, hates roller coasters, but once he’s convinced to ride one, it’s arms up all the way.

Financial Opposites

We are the same way with our finances. I have strict budget set up, and even with a nice chunk of “personal spending” allowance backed up, I’m afraid to let go and spend. We’ve lived paycheck to paycheck before, and I’m not in any great hurry to go back. My husband, on the other hand, isn’t big on the whole budget idea. He doesn’t spend often, but when he does, hold on to your wallet!

One lesson I have learned from our nine years together is that the "personal" in personal finances is the key to our marital bliss. We both are on each other’s accounts, have a shared personal savings account, and have a shared long-term savings account (we diligently save to have a nice little nest egg to pass down to our children apart from our own savings). We would sell our home before we dipped into that account.

Technically, our accounts are shared, but having two separate accounts allows him to feel less constricted and more carefree, while I continue to feel like I’m in control. So, while our monetary theories are polar opposites, we can live in harmony.

A Solution to Financial Polar Opposites

So how do you deal with opposite financial theories? Planning for the division in thinking can help. If you know that your spouse has a different mindset than you, find a way to allow for it rather than change it. For my husband and me, this idea is apparent in our joint but separate accounts.

Of course, you’ll never know if your spouse finds your financial theories helter-skelter if you don’t talk about finances. So take some time to sit down and talk about money. It may be difficult at first, but it can help you both develop a better sense of your joint financial journey.

Taking a Breather from Talking

However, if talking about things starts to get overwhelming, take a minute to write down your concerns and then seal them in envelopes. Then set each of the envelopes aside to be dealt with a month later. You’ll have had plenty of time to cool down and collect your thoughts by then. Chances are, some of the issues will no longer seem like issues, either.

When you open each envelope, respond to the other person’s note in writing. Next, give the notes back to each other, read them, sleep on it, and talk about it all the next day. You’ll be amazed at how much less stressful the talk will be when it doesn’t immediately impact you – when you have time to think before having a knee-jerk reaction.

An ounce of prevention is usually worth more than a pound of cure, but when it comes to money and relationships, both are equally as important. Preventing financial arguments through different accounts or curing arguments by taking a breather can both help you and yours agree on finances.

Check out our other articles in our "Relationships and Finances" series, and let us know how you balance your love and your money!.

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